So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
