yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this is an emotional support booty call
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