I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
