ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
