it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize