yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize