the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
