But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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