forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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