i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
