the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it because I queefed?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
