Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
