Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
