My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
