It's Friday. Sex?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
