There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
