You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
