He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
