What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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