Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
