I hate your face
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
