Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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