UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm both gender and math confused
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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