Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
