The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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