Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
