So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
