So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
