I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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