I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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