Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
