Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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