i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
