i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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