You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
