Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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