dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
