Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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