Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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