unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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