It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
