you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
