If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
