Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
