Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
