She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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