We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
