Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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