need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
