So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
