is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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