i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
