i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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