my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
