Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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