I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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