Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
