For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
