Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
