Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
