i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
