So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
