the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
