I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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