I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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