If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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