Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
